Ladies, Sugar Boys, let me leave you with this: If you've not been paid, nobody gets laid.
This includes sexting, dirty pictures, handjobs, etc. etc. etc. Who is gonna buy the cow if you can just read all about it on the Internet for free? It's similar to the Christian mandate of no sex till marriage.
Prostitutes get paid to grind sex organs, strippers get paid to grind their titties in someone's face, cam/chat girls/boys get paid to share their saucy details. Sugar babes get paid to spend time getting to know their sugar daddy/mama and if s/he doesn't care about your level of comfort sexually, s/he just doesn't care about your level of comfort on any level and no sense believing otherwise.
Monday, 31 October 2011
Time is Money: Reprise
Y'all might think it rude of me to refer you to my blog rather than repeat all of these themes and words through a personal e-mail. But let's look at this realistically.
The last time I looked at the stats, my profile here had had about 100 views. So, that is only the people who have bothered to check it out, of all the people who have expressed an interest in checking me out. So, who knows how many people I have referred here, with time I could deliver those numbers. But as it rests, we can know for sure about the hundred who have come to the blog (and looked at my profile).
At 100 suitors: if I gave you each five minutes, (usually repeating what my ad/profile already made clear ;) regardless of whether you can meet my needs, which is pretty accurate cuz I rarely just send the blog with no other chatter when I respond to your e-mail/flirt, etc. Some of you know I have spent hours chatting with you in type. So, as a starting point, look at 5 minutes x 100... it's 8 1/3 hours. At an hour each, 100 hours. That's 2.5 weeks of full time work. With no reward. I've talked to far more than a hundred people for sure. And I would imagine that you kept typing at me because you liked the good feelings you got from my responses. Actually I don't have to imagine, I have heard it from you directly.
Fellas, I'll just be brutally honest, I'm not looking for a sugar daddy because I have time to spare, to entertain for free. At least with the blog, I have a product. And that just isn't true of a year spent sending private messages ;) Why a person would keep me chatting when they have no means or intentions to meet my need$, in exchange for the love and attention I bring to the table, is a lil beyond me. Mayhap it's an "if I can't have you, I can keep you busy so no one else can have you either" kinda thing, I openly admit I have no idea how the petty mind works ;)
And, despite having nothing left to give, the blog remains at your disposal, long after my Internet connection gets cut off. If at any time through our communications, in blog or in person, you have felt any relief from the loneliness that my time and attention has given you, even in having had someone to talk to about all of this, now would be the time to say thank you with an e-transfer donation to acknowledge my time. Either way, knowledge is power, do with it what you will!!
Be well Sugars, it's been a slice and a half ;)
The last time I looked at the stats, my profile here had had about 100 views. So, that is only the people who have bothered to check it out, of all the people who have expressed an interest in checking me out. So, who knows how many people I have referred here, with time I could deliver those numbers. But as it rests, we can know for sure about the hundred who have come to the blog (and looked at my profile).
At 100 suitors: if I gave you each five minutes, (usually repeating what my ad/profile already made clear ;) regardless of whether you can meet my needs, which is pretty accurate cuz I rarely just send the blog with no other chatter when I respond to your e-mail/flirt, etc. Some of you know I have spent hours chatting with you in type. So, as a starting point, look at 5 minutes x 100... it's 8 1/3 hours. At an hour each, 100 hours. That's 2.5 weeks of full time work. With no reward. I've talked to far more than a hundred people for sure. And I would imagine that you kept typing at me because you liked the good feelings you got from my responses. Actually I don't have to imagine, I have heard it from you directly.
Fellas, I'll just be brutally honest, I'm not looking for a sugar daddy because I have time to spare, to entertain for free. At least with the blog, I have a product. And that just isn't true of a year spent sending private messages ;) Why a person would keep me chatting when they have no means or intentions to meet my need$, in exchange for the love and attention I bring to the table, is a lil beyond me. Mayhap it's an "if I can't have you, I can keep you busy so no one else can have you either" kinda thing, I openly admit I have no idea how the petty mind works ;)
And, despite having nothing left to give, the blog remains at your disposal, long after my Internet connection gets cut off. If at any time through our communications, in blog or in person, you have felt any relief from the loneliness that my time and attention has given you, even in having had someone to talk to about all of this, now would be the time to say thank you with an e-transfer donation to acknowledge my time. Either way, knowledge is power, do with it what you will!!
Be well Sugars, it's been a slice and a half ;)
What's a Google?
Google is probably the largest search engine on the Internet. An example of brand popularity influencing the language, like "Kleenex" or "Bandaid"; to "google" something means to look it up on a search engine on the Internet.
A quick "google" search for "sugar relationship" yielded "About 202,000,000 results (0.15 seconds)". I have my doubts that the School of Sugar blog made the count but here it is, hand delivered ;)
I think it's safe to say that if you don't know what you're responding to, a lil research goes a long way toward not making you look lazy, lol. And there's the whole thing about not wasting your time if you're not into "BDSM, SGM, BBW, or any other brand of relationship" in the first place.
Napoleon Dynamite was right, girls only want guys who have good skills ;)
A quick "google" search for "sugar relationship" yielded "About 202,000,000 results (0.15 seconds)". I have my doubts that the School of Sugar blog made the count but here it is, hand delivered ;)
I think it's safe to say that if you don't know what you're responding to, a lil research goes a long way toward not making you look lazy, lol. And there's the whole thing about not wasting your time if you're not into "BDSM, SGM, BBW, or any other brand of relationship" in the first place.
Napoleon Dynamite was right, girls only want guys who have good skills ;)
Friday, 28 October 2011
The Earth Isn't Flat...
It would seem I'm not the only one. Lol, aside from this being the Internet, everything has been done, and done and done. I didn't invent this wheel and I won't be the last to roll it down a hill ;)
This blog is an information goldmine:
http://www.seekingarrangement.com/blog Sugar daddy dating blog for mutually beneficial arrangement advice, tips, questions, and stories. Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby Blog
This blog is an information goldmine:
http://www.seekingarrangement.com/blog Sugar daddy dating blog for mutually beneficial arrangement advice, tips, questions, and stories. Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby Blog
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Perception vs Reality: What's Your Perception On This Reality?
Welcome back, sugar lovers... and haters. Now, there are lots of things I am unsure of on this crazy planet. I don't understand the science behind rockets and planes and brain surgery. I'm not great with the plants. I only know English, and only moderately at that. I'm entirely unsure why anyone would keep a rodent or reptile as a pet. And I'm definitely not sure someone would be on a sugar dating site if they didn't want a sugar relationship and hated the entire dating scene in general. I mean, you don't accidentally sign up to fetlife, not knowing what it is or having an interest, no matter how peripheral, in alternative sexual lifestyles. Or black christian singles, you don't sign up there if you run the local chapter of the KKK in your town. It's just common sense.
Without further preface let me present this fairly recent conversation. Which, may I point out to all y'all who just think I wanna be right, and all the rest who are actually interested in the psychology of these human interactions we're all having, met my goal of getting another hit on the blog. Lol, bad press is still press. Shit, the site I met this gentleman on, was on the Tyra show and she was shittin' alllll over it. How many new subscribers since that little plug I wonder. Anyway, I present thee some words exchanged:
"PS": Please check out my profile to see if you might be interested in connecting with me! (This is an automated message, a "flirt" or a "wink" or a "kiss" or a "poke" style interaction)
Moi: Hey, hey M__,
Impressive number of words :) Check out my blog about sugar life, it has even more info than my profile ;) Www.schoolofsugar.blogspot.com
"PS": Well, guess what? Men have cost of living expenses too, and in any relationship with a woman, we're expected to pay for whatever we do together (dinners, trips, etc.) And yet, women demand equal pay, and so on. Your blog smacks of the idea that you, as a woman, are giving something up - as though you are not getting anything from the relationship, and sex. That is repugnant to me. I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me, except for my wallet. You talk about self-esteem. I submit that spreading your legs for an allowance is indicative of a lack of self-esteem. I further submit that any man who pays for sex is also lacking self-esteem. And yet we do pay, in a less direct way. That's because our social conventions don't require women to be financially successful for us to admire them. The same is not true the other way around. Women look for men of means - providers. That's a big part of why women tend to be with men who are older than them. Any anthropology, sociology, or history book will tell you that. It's instinctive, and I could talk about that for days. But it comes down to this: sex and/or companionship for money is prostitution. I have no ethical or moral objections to it, but it's not for me. Wanting a guy who makes a decent living is another thing entirely.
Moi: Whoops, hit a few chords, huh? It's okay, I get that a lot.
Arrangement means what it means. I did not design the system or the world we're operating in, just a messenger. If I want chemistry with a man who can take care of me, too, that is my "fucking" prerogative.
if you don't like the game, don't play it but it IS the point of this website. Try POF it's a great resource!
Good luck and thanks for the feedback!
"PS": Your blog is offensive. It paints both men and women in a negative light. You denigrate women who want to have sexual relationships with men without being paid - saying they lack self-esteem. But in reality, they don't see themselves as just sexual objects. You, on the other hand, see your body, and sex, as some sort of one sided thing that is deserving of payment. You paint women as doing everything in life to be pleasing to men, without any sort of worthiness outside of that, and men as only being worthy because of money. It's disgusting. There are lots of women on this site who don't share your views, and I have had some good times, and ongoing friendships. Your attitude is the most cold and calculating that I've encountered. Frankly, it's delusional and disturbing. I have no doubt about your saying "I get that a lot". Not surprising. Some of us make our way in the world by doing something worthwhile. Apparently, you make your way in the world on your back, or in front of a mirror, and riding the achievements of others. Where's the self-esteem in that?
Moi: If you're offended by reality there is no way I can help you. Likewise on acting abusively when you don't like the answer.
I wish you the best and thank you for your feedback, please feel free to include your comments on the blog but please stop emailing me.
"PS": It has nothing to do with reality. It has everything to do with perception of reality, and your own place in the universe. Yours is fucked up, arrogant, and destructive. Your approach is ruthless, and devoid of any kind of warmth - decidedly unfeminine. Your profile hints at it, but your blog makes it abundantly clear. You're a disgusting individual who should seek therapy. Someday, the mirror won't be so kind to you. What then? Outer beauty only goes so far. Inner beauty is what really matters, and that, you are sorely lacking.
Without further preface let me present this fairly recent conversation. Which, may I point out to all y'all who just think I wanna be right, and all the rest who are actually interested in the psychology of these human interactions we're all having, met my goal of getting another hit on the blog. Lol, bad press is still press. Shit, the site I met this gentleman on, was on the Tyra show and she was shittin' alllll over it. How many new subscribers since that little plug I wonder. Anyway, I present thee some words exchanged:
"PS": Please check out my profile to see if you might be interested in connecting with me! (This is an automated message, a "flirt" or a "wink" or a "kiss" or a "poke" style interaction)
Moi: Hey, hey M__,
Impressive number of words :) Check out my blog about sugar life, it has even more info than my profile ;) Www.schoolofsugar.blogspot.com
"PS": Well, guess what? Men have cost of living expenses too, and in any relationship with a woman, we're expected to pay for whatever we do together (dinners, trips, etc.) And yet, women demand equal pay, and so on. Your blog smacks of the idea that you, as a woman, are giving something up - as though you are not getting anything from the relationship, and sex. That is repugnant to me. I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me, except for my wallet. You talk about self-esteem. I submit that spreading your legs for an allowance is indicative of a lack of self-esteem. I further submit that any man who pays for sex is also lacking self-esteem. And yet we do pay, in a less direct way. That's because our social conventions don't require women to be financially successful for us to admire them. The same is not true the other way around. Women look for men of means - providers. That's a big part of why women tend to be with men who are older than them. Any anthropology, sociology, or history book will tell you that. It's instinctive, and I could talk about that for days. But it comes down to this: sex and/or companionship for money is prostitution. I have no ethical or moral objections to it, but it's not for me. Wanting a guy who makes a decent living is another thing entirely.
Moi: Whoops, hit a few chords, huh? It's okay, I get that a lot.
Arrangement means what it means. I did not design the system or the world we're operating in, just a messenger. If I want chemistry with a man who can take care of me, too, that is my "fucking" prerogative.
if you don't like the game, don't play it but it IS the point of this website. Try POF it's a great resource!
Good luck and thanks for the feedback!
"PS": Your blog is offensive. It paints both men and women in a negative light. You denigrate women who want to have sexual relationships with men without being paid - saying they lack self-esteem. But in reality, they don't see themselves as just sexual objects. You, on the other hand, see your body, and sex, as some sort of one sided thing that is deserving of payment. You paint women as doing everything in life to be pleasing to men, without any sort of worthiness outside of that, and men as only being worthy because of money. It's disgusting. There are lots of women on this site who don't share your views, and I have had some good times, and ongoing friendships. Your attitude is the most cold and calculating that I've encountered. Frankly, it's delusional and disturbing. I have no doubt about your saying "I get that a lot". Not surprising. Some of us make our way in the world by doing something worthwhile. Apparently, you make your way in the world on your back, or in front of a mirror, and riding the achievements of others. Where's the self-esteem in that?
Moi: If you're offended by reality there is no way I can help you. Likewise on acting abusively when you don't like the answer.
I wish you the best and thank you for your feedback, please feel free to include your comments on the blog but please stop emailing me.
"PS": It has nothing to do with reality. It has everything to do with perception of reality, and your own place in the universe. Yours is fucked up, arrogant, and destructive. Your approach is ruthless, and devoid of any kind of warmth - decidedly unfeminine. Your profile hints at it, but your blog makes it abundantly clear. You're a disgusting individual who should seek therapy. Someday, the mirror won't be so kind to you. What then? Outer beauty only goes so far. Inner beauty is what really matters, and that, you are sorely lacking.
Lmao, As If This Will Be The Last Word On This One
The glossary grows...
"Arriving at a workable definition of what is prostitution is very difficult, since not even the government can agree on what exactly constitutes the offence. Prostitution is the exchange of sexual favours for money or other material goods, devoid of any emotional involvement."
Source:
http://web.viu.ca/crim/Student/Sturdy.htm
Great essay!
Taking a girl to dinner does not make you a sugar daddy. Alternately, on the same side of the coin, paying an, or any, girl to fuck you does not make you a sugar daddy.
"Arriving at a workable definition of what is prostitution is very difficult, since not even the government can agree on what exactly constitutes the offence. Prostitution is the exchange of sexual favours for money or other material goods, devoid of any emotional involvement."
Source:
http://web.viu.ca/crim/Student/Sturdy.htm
Great essay!
Taking a girl to dinner does not make you a sugar daddy. Alternately, on the same side of the coin, paying an, or any, girl to fuck you does not make you a sugar daddy.
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Grey Areas That Are Black and White
In our continuous efforts to clearly define what it is we are here in Sugar Land after, let's throw down into the glossary of terms again.
On a technicality, relationsugars do qualify as sex trade industry. But on that same technicality, so is marriage. In fact, marriage is the biggest prostitution scam going. Ladies, you know what I am talking about on this one. Good Sirs, you also know what I am talkin' about on this one.
Ad nauseum, at this point, but allow me to present the difference between a standard hooker and a sugar babe.
With the lady of the night, she tells you, "greek, g.f.e., msog", you present her fee, she presents her sweet lady bits. As long as you wear a condom and don't try to rape her, you WILL "get some". It's a for sure thing, money for sex.
On the other hand, a sugar babe agrees to sell you her time. Time is not sex. It might become time spent sexually but ultimately it's a part time hot girlfriend role-play until it's determined that you are a qualified sugar daddy whom she can trust and count on. You're simply getting the chance to spend time with her. Yes, to see if you're going to knock boots, but the only sure thing is that you will spend time together for money. And if she can't count on you for the coin, there shan't be any booty shared.
And again... "pay per visit" is prostitute lexicon, not something a sugar babe can "count on".
On a technicality, relationsugars do qualify as sex trade industry. But on that same technicality, so is marriage. In fact, marriage is the biggest prostitution scam going. Ladies, you know what I am talking about on this one. Good Sirs, you also know what I am talkin' about on this one.
Ad nauseum, at this point, but allow me to present the difference between a standard hooker and a sugar babe.
With the lady of the night, she tells you, "greek, g.f.e., msog", you present her fee, she presents her sweet lady bits. As long as you wear a condom and don't try to rape her, you WILL "get some". It's a for sure thing, money for sex.
On the other hand, a sugar babe agrees to sell you her time. Time is not sex. It might become time spent sexually but ultimately it's a part time hot girlfriend role-play until it's determined that you are a qualified sugar daddy whom she can trust and count on. You're simply getting the chance to spend time with her. Yes, to see if you're going to knock boots, but the only sure thing is that you will spend time together for money. And if she can't count on you for the coin, there shan't be any booty shared.
And again... "pay per visit" is prostitute lexicon, not something a sugar babe can "count on".
Facts and Figures
Dahlings, you'll prolly get your panties in a bunch over this posting if you're operating under these false pretenses but I am just a reporter and shooting the messenger does not change the news ;)
I laughed when I heard a pop song the other day. The line that struck me was "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it". Touche, bitches. But that is the glibbest interpretation of "being taken care of" (from the female perspective). As the movie "Dangerous Beauty" shows, there are alternatives to marriage. But they sho' ain't free.
Gentlemen, you are asking a woman to commit some wife duties. But not offering wife status, even as a potential in the future, as is the common ruse in common dating. Refer to the post about the vulnerable nature of the female form if you're not sure why women need to be taken care of ;)
Specifically, you're asking for sex and companionship. But one of the things that is often overlooked is the love nest where that love making is produced. 93.6% of the time, it is expected that the babe will host cuz it'd make your wife suspicious if you threw a party for two at your place, and she wasn't invited ;) So, you're looking for some housekeeping duties as well. Namely, aside from the comfortable space itself, clean floors, a clean bathtub (lest you go home covered in her sweet nectar and/or hair) and... clean sheets ;) Or maybe you don't care about clean sheets but I know that if you wanted me to get naked in your bed, I wouldn't want to be sharing your wife's come and/or drool. Sorry, should I have posed that more eloquently, Lol, we're all grown ups, let's get over the idea that talking about sex and sexuality is a bad thing. It's what we're all here for, isn't it?
So, what are you offering for those wife duties? Cuz it ain't grass cutting or curtain rod hanging. That much has been established. And she agrees with those terms. But if you can't define it in fiduciary terms... this may come as an absolute shock to you but EVERY man has a penis, hon. That's part of why we like y'all. But it just ain't enough. Just like your interest in using it with her is not enough for her to tear your clothes off. If she is confident, of course. I have seen women fall for the most insulting displays of courtship but it almost always boils down to a lack of self-esteem and something on the verge of desperation for some attention that feels good. Even if it's bad on some/most levels, she's hard up enough to ignore those things because of the little ego strokes she gets from him. But I digress.
If you've been to University, you're probably still feeling inundated by the mention of Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Or maybe you're familiar with the concept regardless of your schoolin'. Regardless, a refresher is always a good thing so I'll refer you to our good buddy Wikipedia because it has pictures, too. I kid cuz I love. If this is a new or forgotten concept the diagram is actually very helpful and acts as a quick reference guide. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs
Quick reference shows that the sexual intimacy comes after basic physiological and safety needs. The direct translation is that if she is stressed about rent and all the rest of the costs of staying alive, sexual intimacy is the furthest thing from her mind. This is not "playing hard to get", it is the effect stress has on the human form.
If you cannot offer relief, she will be busy making sure her obligations are met. "Struggling student" isn't a cute idiom, it's succinct. "Getting established" is another, more general, way to understand the position your potential sugarbabe is coming from.
And so, while we're breaking down the numbers on stress free living, I'll cite the most recent available L.I.C.O. value (that IS established by the world we live in, don't shoot the messenger ;) as declared by The Man http://www12.statcan.ca/census-recensement/2006/ref/dict/tables/table-tableau-18-eng.cfm
So, the 2005 figure is set at $20778. According to CPI inflation calculator that Google found for me, the current value was reflected at about $24000. If you rent a room in someone's basement for $500 a month, $24000 yearly is actually quite doable. It's a lot more ideal to a relationsugar to have a private space. Take a quick peak through your local classifieds and find an apartment or condo you'd set foot in for less than a grand. *shudder
It might just seem that I am throwing out random numbers but there is actually a method to this breakdown. Quality of life numbers are based on the idea that your housing costs are a quarter of your "income". If the L.I.C.O. is $24000, quality of life is (based on $2000/12mos) a housing cost of $500. Realistically, a love nest costs closer to $1200/mo... so, doesn't that mean that if you are offering "quality of life" the budget would reflect something closer to four times that value as is the standard "they" have decided reflects quality of life?
And, let's be real, it's not just the wife duties and eating the proper foods to maintain that hottie body (did I forget to take yoga and the gym into account?)... you want her to be all relaxed and have a nice manicure and pedicure and nice teeth and great hair, mmm, great hair! And let me just ask you plainly, when was the last time your wife shaved/waxed her coochie? Everyone should trim, it's a courtesy, unless full amazon is your deal ;) A spa day to get relaxed and waxed and buffed and polished and plucked and mudmasked and a lil oxygen treatment and a tan and all the other things women engage in to be pretty and soft costs a pretty penny and a bunch of time. Call up any spa and say this "look, I'll just be frank. My girlfriend is stressed and bitchy. What would it cost me to distract her with a spa day so she'll come home relaxed and just feeling great". You might crap your pants a little to hear the answer. Average about $200-400 a week including hair...
So, that's just the carcass, we have yet to get into the costume department... Shoes, shoes, shoes, every bitch loves shoes. It's undeniable and not worth trying to fight. But no woman is so horny for shoes that she will engage in a Dom/sub relationship with a married man for an occasional pair of stilettos. And aside from that ridiculousness, (that really isn't if you want her to look great and fantastic, instead of just "okay") I'm sure you aren't interested in seeing her in sweats. Athletic activities and lululemon fetishists aside.
I'm not bitching cuz it is just the way it is. But honestly, have you gone browsing for women's clothes lately? If you want her to look hot and feminine and lovely and super squeezable... designer jeans are far hotter than the Kmart version and cost ten times the amount. Lingerie... ya, it's fun to wear but entirely for your benefit ;) I saw a beautiful teddy the other day for $300. Moderately well made but nothing more than pretty when it came right down to an honest assessment of the product. Don't believe that a sexy garment could possibly cost that much? That range is the pedestrian version of lingerie. Check out Agent Provocateur's new line http://www.agentprovocateur.com/lingerie/new-collection.html Their stuff is interesting and well made. And their prices reflect that.
Life costs money, more or less depending on your geography. A budget of $3000 a month means that all of her essentials are covered. She can work to pay for school or her business or her lovely brats. But staying alive isn't a concern if she manages not to walk in front of a bus. $4000 is a point where a person can live well in our society. $5000 is really manageable if you don't have drug or gambling problems.
My initial foray in to the world of sugar was a classic bait and switch that happened when I was but a wee gaffer. I responded to an ad in the business classifieds (yes, in an actual newspaper) posted by a man allegedly looking for a business to invest in and help develop. His primary business was alive and kickin' and he was looking for a fresh challenge. Which actually meant sugar baby. Had he been honest and posted his ad in the personals and cleverly conveyed that he was looking for a sweet young thing to spend time with I may have considered it. But he played trickster so I didn't trust him.
Not much different than now, I worked a lot so I really wasn't available to "hang out" with him anyway. So, finally one day he just asked me straight out "Why do you work so much?" To which I replied, "what?" because I was genuinely baffled at the question. As he repeated it, he interrupted himself and exclaimed "OH!! You have costs associated with living" as though he'd just discovered the theory of relativity. I stopped answering his calls at that point. He was 51and it shouldn't have come as a surprise that food and shelter cost money
So, to answer the question I walk away from most frequently: No, if you buy her a ticket to a beach midwinter it doesn't come out of the cost of living allowance, especially if the allowance isn't big enough to take you out for lunch occasionally. Do you get to not pay your mortgage cuz you're on vacation?
I laughed when I heard a pop song the other day. The line that struck me was "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it". Touche, bitches. But that is the glibbest interpretation of "being taken care of" (from the female perspective). As the movie "Dangerous Beauty" shows, there are alternatives to marriage. But they sho' ain't free.
Gentlemen, you are asking a woman to commit some wife duties. But not offering wife status, even as a potential in the future, as is the common ruse in common dating. Refer to the post about the vulnerable nature of the female form if you're not sure why women need to be taken care of ;)
Specifically, you're asking for sex and companionship. But one of the things that is often overlooked is the love nest where that love making is produced. 93.6% of the time, it is expected that the babe will host cuz it'd make your wife suspicious if you threw a party for two at your place, and she wasn't invited ;) So, you're looking for some housekeeping duties as well. Namely, aside from the comfortable space itself, clean floors, a clean bathtub (lest you go home covered in her sweet nectar and/or hair) and... clean sheets ;) Or maybe you don't care about clean sheets but I know that if you wanted me to get naked in your bed, I wouldn't want to be sharing your wife's come and/or drool. Sorry, should I have posed that more eloquently, Lol, we're all grown ups, let's get over the idea that talking about sex and sexuality is a bad thing. It's what we're all here for, isn't it?
So, what are you offering for those wife duties? Cuz it ain't grass cutting or curtain rod hanging. That much has been established. And she agrees with those terms. But if you can't define it in fiduciary terms... this may come as an absolute shock to you but EVERY man has a penis, hon. That's part of why we like y'all. But it just ain't enough. Just like your interest in using it with her is not enough for her to tear your clothes off. If she is confident, of course. I have seen women fall for the most insulting displays of courtship but it almost always boils down to a lack of self-esteem and something on the verge of desperation for some attention that feels good. Even if it's bad on some/most levels, she's hard up enough to ignore those things because of the little ego strokes she gets from him. But I digress.
If you've been to University, you're probably still feeling inundated by the mention of Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Or maybe you're familiar with the concept regardless of your schoolin'. Regardless, a refresher is always a good thing so I'll refer you to our good buddy Wikipedia because it has pictures, too. I kid cuz I love. If this is a new or forgotten concept the diagram is actually very helpful and acts as a quick reference guide. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Quick reference shows that the sexual intimacy comes after basic physiological and safety needs. The direct translation is that if she is stressed about rent and all the rest of the costs of staying alive, sexual intimacy is the furthest thing from her mind. This is not "playing hard to get", it is the effect stress has on the human form.
If you cannot offer relief, she will be busy making sure her obligations are met. "Struggling student" isn't a cute idiom, it's succinct. "Getting established" is another, more general, way to understand the position your potential sugarbabe is coming from.
And so, while we're breaking down the numbers on stress free living, I'll cite the most recent available L.I.C.O. value (that IS established by the world we live in, don't shoot the messenger ;) as declared by The Man http://www12.statcan.ca/
So, the 2005 figure is set at $20778. According to CPI inflation calculator that Google found for me, the current value was reflected at about $24000. If you rent a room in someone's basement for $500 a month, $24000 yearly is actually quite doable. It's a lot more ideal to a relationsugar to have a private space. Take a quick peak through your local classifieds and find an apartment or condo you'd set foot in for less than a grand. *shudder
It might just seem that I am throwing out random numbers but there is actually a method to this breakdown. Quality of life numbers are based on the idea that your housing costs are a quarter of your "income". If the L.I.C.O. is $24000, quality of life is (based on $2000/12mos) a housing cost of $500. Realistically, a love nest costs closer to $1200/mo... so, doesn't that mean that if you are offering "quality of life" the budget would reflect something closer to four times that value as is the standard "they" have decided reflects quality of life?
And, let's be real, it's not just the wife duties and eating the proper foods to maintain that hottie body (did I forget to take yoga and the gym into account?)... you want her to be all relaxed and have a nice manicure and pedicure and nice teeth and great hair, mmm, great hair! And let me just ask you plainly, when was the last time your wife shaved/waxed her coochie? Everyone should trim, it's a courtesy, unless full amazon is your deal ;) A spa day to get relaxed and waxed and buffed and polished and plucked and mudmasked and a lil oxygen treatment and a tan and all the other things women engage in to be pretty and soft costs a pretty penny and a bunch of time. Call up any spa and say this "look, I'll just be frank. My girlfriend is stressed and bitchy. What would it cost me to distract her with a spa day so she'll come home relaxed and just feeling great". You might crap your pants a little to hear the answer. Average about $200-400 a week including hair...
So, that's just the carcass, we have yet to get into the costume department... Shoes, shoes, shoes, every bitch loves shoes. It's undeniable and not worth trying to fight. But no woman is so horny for shoes that she will engage in a Dom/sub relationship with a married man for an occasional pair of stilettos. And aside from that ridiculousness, (that really isn't if you want her to look great and fantastic, instead of just "okay") I'm sure you aren't interested in seeing her in sweats. Athletic activities and lululemon fetishists aside.
I'm not bitching cuz it is just the way it is. But honestly, have you gone browsing for women's clothes lately? If you want her to look hot and feminine and lovely and super squeezable... designer jeans are far hotter than the Kmart version and cost ten times the amount. Lingerie... ya, it's fun to wear but entirely for your benefit ;) I saw a beautiful teddy the other day for $300. Moderately well made but nothing more than pretty when it came right down to an honest assessment of the product. Don't believe that a sexy garment could possibly cost that much? That range is the pedestrian version of lingerie. Check out Agent Provocateur's new line http://www.agentprovocateur.com/lingerie/new-collection.html Their stuff is interesting and well made. And their prices reflect that.
Life costs money, more or less depending on your geography. A budget of $3000 a month means that all of her essentials are covered. She can work to pay for school or her business or her lovely brats. But staying alive isn't a concern if she manages not to walk in front of a bus. $4000 is a point where a person can live well in our society. $5000 is really manageable if you don't have drug or gambling problems.
My initial foray in to the world of sugar was a classic bait and switch that happened when I was but a wee gaffer. I responded to an ad in the business classifieds (yes, in an actual newspaper) posted by a man allegedly looking for a business to invest in and help develop. His primary business was alive and kickin' and he was looking for a fresh challenge. Which actually meant sugar baby. Had he been honest and posted his ad in the personals and cleverly conveyed that he was looking for a sweet young thing to spend time with I may have considered it. But he played trickster so I didn't trust him.
Not much different than now, I worked a lot so I really wasn't available to "hang out" with him anyway. So, finally one day he just asked me straight out "Why do you work so much?" To which I replied, "what?" because I was genuinely baffled at the question. As he repeated it, he interrupted himself and exclaimed "OH!! You have costs associated with living" as though he'd just discovered the theory of relativity. I stopped answering his calls at that point. He was 51and it shouldn't have come as a surprise that food and shelter cost money
So, to answer the question I walk away from most frequently: No, if you buy her a ticket to a beach midwinter it doesn't come out of the cost of living allowance, especially if the allowance isn't big enough to take you out for lunch occasionally. Do you get to not pay your mortgage cuz you're on vacation?
Vulnerability
"SOS, please someone help me"... let us address the obvious today!
Whether it's obvious or not (apparently more often ;), let us bring to the forefront what a relationsugar really is. Guys are looking for companionship and sex, the ladies are looking to be taken care of financially in exchange for that affection. It is negligent and ignorant to assume otherwise.
Soooo, let me spell it out a little further. Women are vulnerable by design. And when a woman is looking for a sugar daddy it is because she is experiencing some financial vulnerability, too. And acknowledging that openly. She'll still be vulnerable if she doesn't have to stress about rent. She just won't be stressed anymore. And you get to enjoy that stress free version of this lovely little thing.
Whether she is a single mom, a student, a business owner or someone with a chronic illness (lots of them don't show on the surface so you can't make assumptions based on the cover of the book) she is openly admitting that she needs some help to get by. Therefore she has acknowledged her vulnerability and there is no need to make her prove it. I understand that you're just trying to gauge whether or not she would be open, receptive and vulnerable sexually but that will ONLY come about if you can meet her needs financially (assuming chemistry of course). Stress relief exchange. Exchange!!
Granted there are some women in this for the wrong reasons, IMHO, but who am I to say that a life of Louis Vitton and W Hotels is a bad thing in exchange for being pretty. But in reality, most of the women I have talked to regarding sugar life are genuinely kind, hard working women who're kinda fucked financially and just trying to get by in this crazy world we livin' in. Just like the men, only our needs are a little different.
But yes, she is "using" you for your money, just as you are "using" her because she has tittays. Sure, it's not all that glib, if you're not interested in each other fundamentally it will never get to the usership we've come here to engage in. But illusions that a relationsugar is anything more than a very clearly defined exchange are simply a waste of everyone's time.
Soooo, just like you're not entertaining women who are looking for a husband/baby daddy, don't be insulted when she doesn't want to entertain a man who can't meet her needs financially. Time is money, and wasting time chatting with a woman who wants to get married and babied up is not a good investment of your time if you're just looking for a booty call. So, why would a woman want to continue to "chat" if you're not in her budget range???? It's not personal, it's based on an honest awareness of one's needs. Which includes not having an abundance of time to waste ;)
And while it can be disturbing to address the reality that women are far more vulnerable to sexual exploit, it is crucial to be aware that there are Jeffrey Dahmers and Robert Picktons in this world. Ladies, YOU need to keep yourself safe. Not paranoid, simply aware. That you are a delicate little flower and need be handled with care at all times. Gentlemen, YOU need to be aware that she needs to feels safe, cuz she's a delicate little flower that needs to be handled with care at all times who wants to blossom.
It's just real, not anything to get overwhelmed about. Misogyny is rampant in our society. Relationsugaring addresses that imbalance by adding the levener* that actually enables a "mutually beneficial arrangement". We're here because we are doing things differently. Or maybe you're lost on the Internet ;P
*levener is a cooking term (but this is chemistry, too so it's apt ;) : substances used in doughs and batters that cause a foaming action which lightens and softens the finished product
Whether it's obvious or not (apparently more often ;), let us bring to the forefront what a relationsugar really is. Guys are looking for companionship and sex, the ladies are looking to be taken care of financially in exchange for that affection. It is negligent and ignorant to assume otherwise.
Soooo, let me spell it out a little further. Women are vulnerable by design. And when a woman is looking for a sugar daddy it is because she is experiencing some financial vulnerability, too. And acknowledging that openly. She'll still be vulnerable if she doesn't have to stress about rent. She just won't be stressed anymore. And you get to enjoy that stress free version of this lovely little thing.
Whether she is a single mom, a student, a business owner or someone with a chronic illness (lots of them don't show on the surface so you can't make assumptions based on the cover of the book) she is openly admitting that she needs some help to get by. Therefore she has acknowledged her vulnerability and there is no need to make her prove it. I understand that you're just trying to gauge whether or not she would be open, receptive and vulnerable sexually but that will ONLY come about if you can meet her needs financially (assuming chemistry of course). Stress relief exchange. Exchange!!
Granted there are some women in this for the wrong reasons, IMHO, but who am I to say that a life of Louis Vitton and W Hotels is a bad thing in exchange for being pretty. But in reality, most of the women I have talked to regarding sugar life are genuinely kind, hard working women who're kinda fucked financially and just trying to get by in this crazy world we livin' in. Just like the men, only our needs are a little different.
But yes, she is "using" you for your money, just as you are "using" her because she has tittays. Sure, it's not all that glib, if you're not interested in each other fundamentally it will never get to the usership we've come here to engage in. But illusions that a relationsugar is anything more than a very clearly defined exchange are simply a waste of everyone's time.
Soooo, just like you're not entertaining women who are looking for a husband/baby daddy, don't be insulted when she doesn't want to entertain a man who can't meet her needs financially. Time is money, and wasting time chatting with a woman who wants to get married and babied up is not a good investment of your time if you're just looking for a booty call. So, why would a woman want to continue to "chat" if you're not in her budget range???? It's not personal, it's based on an honest awareness of one's needs. Which includes not having an abundance of time to waste ;)
And while it can be disturbing to address the reality that women are far more vulnerable to sexual exploit, it is crucial to be aware that there are Jeffrey Dahmers and Robert Picktons in this world. Ladies, YOU need to keep yourself safe. Not paranoid, simply aware. That you are a delicate little flower and need be handled with care at all times. Gentlemen, YOU need to be aware that she needs to feels safe, cuz she's a delicate little flower that needs to be handled with care at all times who wants to blossom.
It's just real, not anything to get overwhelmed about. Misogyny is rampant in our society. Relationsugaring addresses that imbalance by adding the levener* that actually enables a "mutually beneficial arrangement". We're here because we are doing things differently. Or maybe you're lost on the Internet ;P
*levener is a cooking term (but this is chemistry, too so it's apt ;) : substances used in doughs and batters that cause a foaming action which lightens and softens the finished product
Monday, 24 October 2011
This Is Not A Simulation
This, friends and well-wishers, is a real conversation I had with a man whom I believe honestly believes he is sugar material. I'll openly acknowledge that it was probably a lil bit mean to toy with him and play on words with an individual who sincerely just isn't "gettin' it". But if you have any sense of humour at all, you will easily see how I couldn't resist the lil bit of good natured fun that it was. I can't blame TV but maybe if it was more entertaining I wouldn't be so easily amused by hilarious word exchanges with randoms from the internet.
The "here sugar, sugar" advertisement he responded to asked for these specifics: male 30-50, a photo and budget/expectations.
I tried to keep it simple. General literacy and manners can be determined from the response itself, I felt listing those prerequisites would only add confusion. I'll post the ad, too, if you're interested in further applied psychology behind presentation in the sugar arena. There will be a post befo' too long about photos. But for now, this is an actual conversation, presented as it happened, in response to that ad. I just mean, I could write shit this good, but I really couldn't write shit this good. Enjoy!
"Potential Suitor": Hey how it going. I am 20. I am willing to take u out for dinner and help u out when anyway u need. I not looking for a one night stand. I want an ongoing thing
The "here sugar, sugar" advertisement he responded to asked for these specifics: male 30-50, a photo and budget/expectations.
I tried to keep it simple. General literacy and manners can be determined from the response itself, I felt listing those prerequisites would only add confusion. I'll post the ad, too, if you're interested in further applied psychology behind presentation in the sugar arena. There will be a post befo' too long about photos. But for now, this is an actual conversation, presented as it happened, in response to that ad. I just mean, I could write shit this good, but I really couldn't write shit this good. Enjoy!
Moi: Fantastic, I definitely have an $8000 bill I need to cover! Lol, I don't mean to be rude but I'm not sure you fully understand my post on cl. Taking me out for dinner is a given, relationsugar or regular boyfriend ;) but I'm looking for a relationsugar specifically this time around ;)
AND you didn't include a photo...
"PS": Hey. Sorry. I'd give u 300 towards it. [Includes photo w response]
Moi: For dinner? Done deal! When would you like to dine?
"PS": Dinner and 300. Or just dinner. Do I get a pc
"PS": Dinner and 300. Or just dinner. Do I get a pc [yes, he sent it again]
"PS": When u free
Moi: Lol, both... And I'll explain what a relationsugar is to you for free ;) I have time tomorrow, maybe early Friday evening depending on work.
"PS": Sounds good. As long as we get to havge fun after
Moi: ... Lol, lol... As I said initially, it's apparent you didn't fully understand my post ;) good luck w the reading comprehension and the dating game :)
"PS": O:(
"PS": I no what it is. It just last time I give a girl 400. I never got laid or anything out of it. That why I won't give large amounts out at once. Can u send a pc
"PS": I no what it is. It just last time I give a girl 400. I never got laid or anything out of it. That why I won't give large amounts out at once. Can u send a pc [yes, he sent it again]
AND you didn't include a photo...
"PS": Hey. Sorry. I'd give u 300 towards it. [Includes photo w response]
Moi: For dinner? Done deal! When would you like to dine?
"PS": Dinner and 300. Or just dinner. Do I get a pc
"PS": Dinner and 300. Or just dinner. Do I get a pc [yes, he sent it again]
"PS": When u free
Moi: Lol, both... And I'll explain what a relationsugar is to you for free ;) I have time tomorrow, maybe early Friday evening depending on work.
"PS": Sounds good. As long as we get to havge fun after
Moi: ... Lol, lol... As I said initially, it's apparent you didn't fully understand my post ;) good luck w the reading comprehension and the dating game :)
"PS": O:(
"PS": I no what it is. It just last time I give a girl 400. I never got laid or anything out of it. That why I won't give large amounts out at once. Can u send a pc
"PS": I no what it is. It just last time I give a girl 400. I never got laid or anything out of it. That why I won't give large amounts out at once. Can u send a pc [yes, he sent it again]
Moi: You're confusing prostitute with sugar baby. Check out my blog SOS www.schoolofsugar.blogspot.com I'll blog about this in more detail when I have time but time is money, so ya jus' goan hafta wait I s'pose!
K, I shan't talk again so soon about expecting sex, a la Pro Contract, when you offer to take a potential sugar babe out for dinner and offer some cash to acknowledge her time and get your foot in the door by letting her know you were serious. So, I'll talk about the fact that if you see $400 as a "large amount"... um, perhaps sugaring isn't for you and you'd be better off as a Thoughtful Lover who spoils his lady friend with a spa day every once in a while.
I will address the fact that I was a fun bitch about it, rather than just let it go. But I've been told I'm a bitch for walking away when I show up for a first meeting and the person at the table isn't the person from the picture exchange. Whether because they used a fake picture entirely or because it was ten years old. Lying is totally unnecessary in a relationsugar and I won't waste more time on someone who has already wasted my time not being honest. And with any contract, language use is of utmost importance. So, I was playin' on words, cuz it's fun.
And I will address the fact that we now we all have the opportunity to explore these themes together, too. Like the idea that if a woman asks for a few simple things to help screen out "potential" from "unqualified", she's committing preliminary testing for incongruencies and has asked for those details on purpose because...
*while men may generally receive very few responses from women on the internet, a woman generally doesn't even need to be hot in any traditional sense to get a barrage of attention from claimants. Time is money...
*in Sugar Land, everyone claims to be affluent. Time for money is the only way she can know you're for "real" real, not for "play" play.
*women really do need to exercise a lot more caution when meeting strangers. Especially when the pretenses are sexual.
Not only was this particular respondent waaaayyyyy out of the age range in the wrong direction, he neglected to define his budget/expectations, as well as include a photo. 0/3, that's actually 0/5, with manners and literacy all in... what's a girl to do with that?
And his claim was that he would "help out when anyway [I] need". So, I called him on that (not even sure how to interpret those word strings*), knowing that he wasn't even qualified to be on the internet, let alone responding to live humans via said media. Lol, perhaps that was a little harsh but with all due respect, B, my email status does say "Can't say I didn't warn ya!"
If you can't make good on some information, she won't be willing to believe you will make good on the rest. And you will be cut from tryouts. Doubly if you throw a hissy fit (whiny, abusive or otherwise) when presented with the fact that you've yet to reveal the information she's asked for, so she's not willing to believe you will come through on the rest. Actions speak louder than words but a clever sort can always filter the words for the forthcoming interactions she can expect.
K, I shan't talk again so soon about expecting sex, a la Pro Contract, when you offer to take a potential sugar babe out for dinner and offer some cash to acknowledge her time and get your foot in the door by letting her know you were serious. So, I'll talk about the fact that if you see $400 as a "large amount"... um, perhaps sugaring isn't for you and you'd be better off as a Thoughtful Lover who spoils his lady friend with a spa day every once in a while.
I will address the fact that I was a fun bitch about it, rather than just let it go. But I've been told I'm a bitch for walking away when I show up for a first meeting and the person at the table isn't the person from the picture exchange. Whether because they used a fake picture entirely or because it was ten years old. Lying is totally unnecessary in a relationsugar and I won't waste more time on someone who has already wasted my time not being honest. And with any contract, language use is of utmost importance. So, I was playin' on words, cuz it's fun.
And I will address the fact that we now we all have the opportunity to explore these themes together, too. Like the idea that if a woman asks for a few simple things to help screen out "potential" from "unqualified", she's committing preliminary testing for incongruencies and has asked for those details on purpose because...
*while men may generally receive very few responses from women on the internet, a woman generally doesn't even need to be hot in any traditional sense to get a barrage of attention from claimants. Time is money...
*in Sugar Land, everyone claims to be affluent. Time for money is the only way she can know you're for "real" real, not for "play" play.
*women really do need to exercise a lot more caution when meeting strangers. Especially when the pretenses are sexual.
Not only was this particular respondent waaaayyyyy out of the age range in the wrong direction, he neglected to define his budget/expectations, as well as include a photo. 0/3, that's actually 0/5, with manners and literacy all in... what's a girl to do with that?
And his claim was that he would "help out when anyway [I] need". So, I called him on that (not even sure how to interpret those word strings*), knowing that he wasn't even qualified to be on the internet, let alone responding to live humans via said media. Lol, perhaps that was a little harsh but with all due respect, B, my email status does say "Can't say I didn't warn ya!"
If you can't make good on some information, she won't be willing to believe you will make good on the rest. And you will be cut from tryouts. Doubly if you throw a hissy fit (whiny, abusive or otherwise) when presented with the fact that you've yet to reveal the information she's asked for, so she's not willing to believe you will come through on the rest. Actions speak louder than words but a clever sort can always filter the words for the forthcoming interactions she can expect.
Arrangement
As defined by thefreedictionary.com an arrangement is: A provision or plan made in preparation for an undertaking.
The root word "arrange" is the key to the whole "mystery" of sugar dating. So, we arrange our relationship... not much different than any other relationship, except that North Americans have funny ideas about sexual needs. And relating in general.
One thing is for sure in an arrangement, you are unavailable to her. There is no promise of marriage, kids and the white picket fence, as is the typical ruse in dating. Not even the midnight booty call option. So, what value are you offering instead? Her allowance and the perks. It becomes a fair trade at this point. Because despite being permanently unavailable to meet her needs (cuz you're married, or cuz you work too much to maintain a girlfriend, etc. etc.), you want her to be there for you. And ultimately, it's awesome to understand your needs and wants!
You need to ask yourself, why would a sweet young thing agree to a complicated relationship that is mostly about your needs and will never, ever go anywhere but dirty sheets (if it ever gets that far)? Altruism? Nope, that's a fantasy about human nature. "Love"? Nope, that's part of the white picket fence role play. And love takes time to grow so it wouldn't be instant anyway. If you believe that your sexual interest in her alone is enough to get her pants off, you need to get in queue with the others who don't realize she gets enough attention that she can be selective about who she engages.
Consider, for just a moment, that it could be that she (like most other humans being) needs and wants to be taken care of and give care in return. That she wants and needs companionship and sexual intimacy with a compatible partner. And that part of that compatibility relates to his ability, and willingness, to provide for her needs so she can take care of him in exchange. Without the ring, the playpen and the fence. Because she's aware that wants to feel good, too!
It's mutual self-interest. Because we ALL want to feel good. Selfish is when you ONLY care about your happiness. Self-interest happens when you care about your happiness, TOO. Like the self-interest of maintaining your marriage. Whether it's emotional and/or financial, your assessment is that it'd be better to keep the wife AND find some happiness you're not getting at home. The sugar babe perceives that she'll trade some sweet wife duties for some sweet husband duties. Plain and simple.
So ladies...yes, generally "arrangement" infers that over time you will develop sexual intimacy as well as a friendship of sorts. It might simply mean dancing naked or naughty pics or sexting. It's an arrangement, you get to arrange it. In a way that works for both of you. But he is in it for companionship and ultimately, sexual stimulation. If there is nothing you can give on that end, courtsie as you thank him graciously and admit your defeat.
Gentlemen, the same is true of your end. If you haven't the financial means or ultimately, the intention to buy the cow, thow shan't expect free milk. If you want her to believe you, you need to be aware of the fact that she is aware of the fact, that in creating this arrangement you're acting against the commitment you declared at your wedding. She gets it, no worries there. But she is aware to watch for any incongruencies that might indicate your unwillingness to follow through on the sugar arrangement. Inconsistencies might include acting sexually inappropriate or impolite or you choose not to "make good on your promises", like allowance and/or gifts and/or travel.
It's either an arranged mutual usership, or it's a standard one-sided relationship, not an arrangement.
The root word "arrange" is the key to the whole "mystery" of sugar dating. So, we arrange our relationship... not much different than any other relationship, except that North Americans have funny ideas about sexual needs. And relating in general.
One thing is for sure in an arrangement, you are unavailable to her. There is no promise of marriage, kids and the white picket fence, as is the typical ruse in dating. Not even the midnight booty call option. So, what value are you offering instead? Her allowance and the perks. It becomes a fair trade at this point. Because despite being permanently unavailable to meet her needs (cuz you're married, or cuz you work too much to maintain a girlfriend, etc. etc.), you want her to be there for you. And ultimately, it's awesome to understand your needs and wants!
You need to ask yourself, why would a sweet young thing agree to a complicated relationship that is mostly about your needs and will never, ever go anywhere but dirty sheets (if it ever gets that far)? Altruism? Nope, that's a fantasy about human nature. "Love"? Nope, that's part of the white picket fence role play. And love takes time to grow so it wouldn't be instant anyway. If you believe that your sexual interest in her alone is enough to get her pants off, you need to get in queue with the others who don't realize she gets enough attention that she can be selective about who she engages.
Consider, for just a moment, that it could be that she (like most other humans being) needs and wants to be taken care of and give care in return. That she wants and needs companionship and sexual intimacy with a compatible partner. And that part of that compatibility relates to his ability, and willingness, to provide for her needs so she can take care of him in exchange. Without the ring, the playpen and the fence. Because she's aware that wants to feel good, too!
It's mutual self-interest. Because we ALL want to feel good. Selfish is when you ONLY care about your happiness. Self-interest happens when you care about your happiness, TOO. Like the self-interest of maintaining your marriage. Whether it's emotional and/or financial, your assessment is that it'd be better to keep the wife AND find some happiness you're not getting at home. The sugar babe perceives that she'll trade some sweet wife duties for some sweet husband duties. Plain and simple.
So ladies...yes, generally "arrangement" infers that over time you will develop sexual intimacy as well as a friendship of sorts. It might simply mean dancing naked or naughty pics or sexting. It's an arrangement, you get to arrange it. In a way that works for both of you. But he is in it for companionship and ultimately, sexual stimulation. If there is nothing you can give on that end, courtsie as you thank him graciously and admit your defeat.
Gentlemen, the same is true of your end. If you haven't the financial means or ultimately, the intention to buy the cow, thow shan't expect free milk. If you want her to believe you, you need to be aware of the fact that she is aware of the fact, that in creating this arrangement you're acting against the commitment you declared at your wedding. She gets it, no worries there. But she is aware to watch for any incongruencies that might indicate your unwillingness to follow through on the sugar arrangement. Inconsistencies might include acting sexually inappropriate or impolite or you choose not to "make good on your promises", like allowance and/or gifts and/or travel.
It's either an arranged mutual usership, or it's a standard one-sided relationship, not an arrangement.
Time is Money
As far as relationsugars go, I think Vanilla Ice posed it most relevantly when he conducted us to "Stop! Collaborate. And listen." Or how about "Time is money." Is that more familiar turf?
Consider a relationsugar just like any other business dealing, once you've come to an agreement the work commences. No likey, no contract, for both parties. When you hire a consultant or a carpenter or a chiropractor or a chef, you hire them based on their claims. You agree to a rate and your back gets cracked or your staircase gets built and you pay.
You may not have liked the meal they presented at the restaurant but you don't get it for free because your tastebuds don't like saffron. Likewise, some chiropractors just don't have that magic touch. So, you don't go back. Or you don't order that meal again. But you still have to pay.
You hire a file clerk because you need filing done, and the interview went really well. If you're not ready to hire but are only thinking about it, you shouldn't be posting job advertisements and holding interviews. It's false advertising, like padded bras.
So, if it turns out that bitch doesn't even know the alphabet, you have that probationary employment term of three months to determine that. If she knows the alphabet and actually is the file wizard she claimed to be in the interview process, awesome! If not, crap, back to the interview process. BUT you don't ask her to volunteer or take a pay cut until you know, you pay her salary in the hopes that she is a good fit, based on knowing what you need and want and trusting your ability to judge character and chemistry. AND you give her time to sort out the files and develop that user friendly system you'd advertised for. If the carpenter says it'll take half a day to measure, half a day to cut, three days to construct and two days to finish, you can't come in at hour six demanding your staircase.
Your first lunch/dinner is the interview. It's only to determine if you would go out again. And if you do choose to, so commences the trial period or probationary employment term. The "trial period" is the month or two you commit to dating and getting to know one another and possibly to the intimacy. It's not a discounted term. You're getting the time she has committed to. Because you have fulfilled your commitment to the money end of it in exchange for her time. It's her time that you're paying for. If you want it. If she doesn't meet you Wednesdays as per your agreement you have good cause not to continue. Likewise if she's always still drunk from the night before. Or continually asking for more than what you'd agreed to.
The allowance is the salary. The perks and dental benefits and bonuses are the gifts and shopping trips and travel bestowed after she has proven she really has mastered the alphabet throughout that trial period.
Don't hate the player, hate the game, baby. And the game is simply this: If you want her time, (for therapy or go-karting or to build genuine intimacy through shared experiences -it's your time, spend it any way you wish), you will have to come through with the money. It's how arrangements operate.
Consider a relationsugar just like any other business dealing, once you've come to an agreement the work commences. No likey, no contract, for both parties. When you hire a consultant or a carpenter or a chiropractor or a chef, you hire them based on their claims. You agree to a rate and your back gets cracked or your staircase gets built and you pay.
You may not have liked the meal they presented at the restaurant but you don't get it for free because your tastebuds don't like saffron. Likewise, some chiropractors just don't have that magic touch. So, you don't go back. Or you don't order that meal again. But you still have to pay.
You hire a file clerk because you need filing done, and the interview went really well. If you're not ready to hire but are only thinking about it, you shouldn't be posting job advertisements and holding interviews. It's false advertising, like padded bras.
So, if it turns out that bitch doesn't even know the alphabet, you have that probationary employment term of three months to determine that. If she knows the alphabet and actually is the file wizard she claimed to be in the interview process, awesome! If not, crap, back to the interview process. BUT you don't ask her to volunteer or take a pay cut until you know, you pay her salary in the hopes that she is a good fit, based on knowing what you need and want and trusting your ability to judge character and chemistry. AND you give her time to sort out the files and develop that user friendly system you'd advertised for. If the carpenter says it'll take half a day to measure, half a day to cut, three days to construct and two days to finish, you can't come in at hour six demanding your staircase.
Your first lunch/dinner is the interview. It's only to determine if you would go out again. And if you do choose to, so commences the trial period or probationary employment term. The "trial period" is the month or two you commit to dating and getting to know one another and possibly to the intimacy. It's not a discounted term. You're getting the time she has committed to. Because you have fulfilled your commitment to the money end of it in exchange for her time. It's her time that you're paying for. If you want it. If she doesn't meet you Wednesdays as per your agreement you have good cause not to continue. Likewise if she's always still drunk from the night before. Or continually asking for more than what you'd agreed to.
The allowance is the salary. The perks and dental benefits and bonuses are the gifts and shopping trips and travel bestowed after she has proven she really has mastered the alphabet throughout that trial period.
Don't hate the player, hate the game, baby. And the game is simply this: If you want her time, (for therapy or go-karting or to build genuine intimacy through shared experiences -it's your time, spend it any way you wish), you will have to come through with the money. It's how arrangements operate.
Monday, 3 October 2011
Fantasy or Reality?
So, there I am and she says to me, she says "I'm going a trekkin' and this is where I intend to explore."
And I says to her, I says, "Because you intend to visit in a predominantly old school Muslim area, there are practicalities you'll need to be aware of. For example, you can't dress like a North American over there. It could get you dead. Or worse..."
So, she says to me, she says, "That's bullshit! That's not what I signed on for! You're a dirty rotten motherfucker."
Then I says to her, I says, "Don't hate the player, baby, hate the game. I didn't create the customs, I'm just reporting facts. If you don't like those facts, don't go a trekkin' there."
You don't have to like the rules of Monopoly, you can choose not to play. Either way, it doesn't really matter, it's just a game.
But if you say you are having a Monopoly party. And all your poker buddies show up ready for a good time, Monopoly styles. And THEN you spring on them that you've modified the rules so the odds of winning are more stacked in your favour... well, ain't nobody gonna buy those lottery tickets. They will call you a jive turkey motherfucker and drink all your beer and puke in your wife's begonias on the way out.
The even greater faux pas is when you're all "Haha, guys! I really invited you out here, to this cabin in the woods, so we could play Twister." Sure, it might turn into that gay porno fantasy you've always wanted but it might also result in the beating of your life.
The rules of the Sugar Dating Game are simple, you pay for her time, she gives you her time. If you develop intimacy, woohoo!! And if you don't, you simply bid each other adieu with a friendly smile.
For the record, stop taking it all so personally. I don't mean "you" you. Especially about the Monopoly porno fantasy, it's nothing to be ashamed of. In all seriousness, if you feel resonance with a story or musing, rest assured that lotsa readers share your excitement and/or misery. You choose which.
These ramblings are intended to educate and elevate OUR understanding of the Land of Sugar. Simply because we want to navigate here well. To avoid shitting all over local custom we relieve ourselves of our ignorance by learning... ahem "School of Sugar" ;)
And I says to her, I says, "Because you intend to visit in a predominantly old school Muslim area, there are practicalities you'll need to be aware of. For example, you can't dress like a North American over there. It could get you dead. Or worse..."
So, she says to me, she says, "That's bullshit! That's not what I signed on for! You're a dirty rotten motherfucker."
Then I says to her, I says, "Don't hate the player, baby, hate the game. I didn't create the customs, I'm just reporting facts. If you don't like those facts, don't go a trekkin' there."
You don't have to like the rules of Monopoly, you can choose not to play. Either way, it doesn't really matter, it's just a game.
But if you say you are having a Monopoly party. And all your poker buddies show up ready for a good time, Monopoly styles. And THEN you spring on them that you've modified the rules so the odds of winning are more stacked in your favour... well, ain't nobody gonna buy those lottery tickets. They will call you a jive turkey motherfucker and drink all your beer and puke in your wife's begonias on the way out.
The even greater faux pas is when you're all "Haha, guys! I really invited you out here, to this cabin in the woods, so we could play Twister." Sure, it might turn into that gay porno fantasy you've always wanted but it might also result in the beating of your life.
The rules of the Sugar Dating Game are simple, you pay for her time, she gives you her time. If you develop intimacy, woohoo!! And if you don't, you simply bid each other adieu with a friendly smile.
For the record, stop taking it all so personally. I don't mean "you" you. Especially about the Monopoly porno fantasy, it's nothing to be ashamed of. In all seriousness, if you feel resonance with a story or musing, rest assured that lotsa readers share your excitement and/or misery. You choose which.
These ramblings are intended to educate and elevate OUR understanding of the Land of Sugar. Simply because we want to navigate here well. To avoid shitting all over local custom we relieve ourselves of our ignorance by learning... ahem "School of Sugar" ;)
Niche Dating
Sure, it could happen... but the woman looking for a baby daddy/husband is not hanging out at local pubs baring her tittays if she wants to find a serious sperm donor who is also committed to monogamy and procreation. IF she wants to be successful.
Is there anything wrong with wanting to build a family? Hell, no, if that's your deal. But you don't try to get with the "bad boys" if co-parenting is your intention, you go out with men who are into the family/kids scenario... Likewise, gay men don't go to straight bars (haha, ya right ;) and vanillas don't attend the bdsm soirees. An entirely roundabout way of saying that simply because we are in the same niche doesn't mean we are compatible.
The point of dating is to determine our compatibility. The only real difference is that in Sugar Land, the dating never ends. It's a perpetual honeymoon. Sweet!! Oh ya, that's why it's called Sugar Land :)
This is niche dating, nothing more or less. There is everything right with wanting or having a sugar mistress. It's no different than being in the meat market for a marriage or a booty call.
I'd bet two whole quarters that you didn't propose to your wife after the first or second date. But you knew you wanted to explore the idea of her and you more. Translation: You wanted her time (and attention). In Sexy Marriage Land that means you date and act like a guy she'd want to marry. In Sugar Land that means you present the budget and act like a guy she'll want to continue dating for years to come.
Whichever dating niche you're in, if you are conducting yourself with manners and civility, there may just be some of whatever you're after in store for you.
Is there anything wrong with wanting to build a family? Hell, no, if that's your deal. But you don't try to get with the "bad boys" if co-parenting is your intention, you go out with men who are into the family/kids scenario... Likewise, gay men don't go to straight bars (haha, ya right ;) and vanillas don't attend the bdsm soirees. An entirely roundabout way of saying that simply because we are in the same niche doesn't mean we are compatible.
The point of dating is to determine our compatibility. The only real difference is that in Sugar Land, the dating never ends. It's a perpetual honeymoon. Sweet!! Oh ya, that's why it's called Sugar Land :)
This is niche dating, nothing more or less. There is everything right with wanting or having a sugar mistress. It's no different than being in the meat market for a marriage or a booty call.
I'd bet two whole quarters that you didn't propose to your wife after the first or second date. But you knew you wanted to explore the idea of her and you more. Translation: You wanted her time (and attention). In Sexy Marriage Land that means you date and act like a guy she'd want to marry. In Sugar Land that means you present the budget and act like a guy she'll want to continue dating for years to come.
Whichever dating niche you're in, if you are conducting yourself with manners and civility, there may just be some of whatever you're after in store for you.
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