Fantasy or Reality?

So, there I am and she says to me, she says "I'm going a trekkin' and this is where I intend to explore."

And I says to her, I says, "Because you intend to visit in a predominantly old school Muslim area, there are practicalities you'll need to be aware of. For example, you can't dress like a North American over there. It could get you dead. Or worse..."

So, she says to me, she says, "That's bullshit! That's not what I signed on for! You're a dirty rotten motherfucker."

Then I says to her, I says, "Don't hate the player, baby, hate the game. I didn't create the customs, I'm just reporting facts. If you don't like those facts, don't go a trekkin' there."

You don't have to like the rules of Monopoly, you can choose not to play. Either way, it doesn't really matter, it's just a game.

But if you say you are having a Monopoly party. And all your poker buddies show up ready for a good time, Monopoly styles. And THEN you spring on them that you've modified the rules so the odds of winning are more stacked in your favour... well, ain't nobody gonna buy those lottery tickets. They will call you a jive turkey motherfucker and drink all your beer and puke in your wife's begonias on the way out.

The even greater faux pas is when you're all "Haha, guys! I really invited you out here, to this cabin in the woods, so we could play Twister." Sure, it might turn into that gay porno fantasy you've always wanted but it might also result in the beating of your life.


The rules of the Sugar Dating Game are simple, you pay for her time, she gives you her time. If you develop intimacy, woohoo!! And if you don't, you simply bid each other adieu with a friendly smile.

For the record, stop taking it all so personally. I don't mean "you" you. Especially about the Monopoly porno fantasy, it's nothing to be ashamed of. In all seriousness, if you feel resonance with a story or musing, rest assured that lotsa readers share your excitement and/or misery. You choose which.

These ramblings are intended  to educate and elevate OUR understanding of the Land of Sugar. Simply because we want to navigate here well. To avoid shitting all over local custom we relieve ourselves of our ignorance by learning... ahem "School of Sugar" ;)

Niche Dating

Sure, it could happen... but the woman looking for a baby daddy/husband is not hanging out at local pubs baring her tittays if she wants to find a serious sperm donor who is also committed to monogamy and procreation. IF she wants to be successful.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to build a family? Hell, no, if that's your deal. But you don't try to get with the "bad boys" if co-parenting is your intention, you go out with men who are into the family/kids scenario... Likewise, gay men don't go to straight bars (haha, ya right ;) and vanillas don't attend the bdsm soirees. An entirely roundabout way of saying that simply because we are in the same niche doesn't mean we are compatible.

The point of dating is to determine our compatibility. The only real difference is that in Sugar Land, the dating never ends. It's a perpetual honeymoon. Sweet!! Oh ya, that's why it's called Sugar Land :)

This is niche dating, nothing more or less. There is everything right with wanting or having a sugar mistress. It's no different than being in the meat market for a marriage or a booty call.

I'd bet two whole quarters that you didn't propose to your wife after the first or second date. But you knew you wanted to explore the idea of her and you more. Translation: You wanted her time (and attention). In Sexy Marriage Land that means you date and act like a guy she'd want to marry. In Sugar Land that means you present the budget and act like a guy she'll want to continue dating for years to come.

Whichever dating niche you're in, if you are conducting yourself with manners and civility, there may just be some of whatever you're after in store for you.

Oh Sugar, Beware

Many of these posts will be from my perspective. The babe's. It doesn't matter if you're in a same sex relationship, just interchange, his for her's and/or she for he, where necessary.

We could sit and debate all day about the difference between keeping a mistress (sugar babe) and enlisting the services of a prostitute (or whatever the politically correct term is these days). But I can sum it up in a single word: commitment.

Ladies, beware any suitor who even alludes to a per visit "arrangement". He is looking for a prostitute, with the heart of gold of course. Whether he is able to admit it or not.You're not her, or you're in the wrong class. Sex trade worker school is one room over. The professor is great, you'll learn a lot! Now get out so we can get back to class.

So, from the suitor's perspective, especially if this is a first time experience, it can be intimidating and a little scary to throw a three or six or nine grand allowance at an almost stranger. But you don't want the same experiences you've had, so you can't keep doing the same things. If you want to bed this lady eventually, take the leap and make that commitment to her in dollars and sense. And see if she fulfills her end of the agreement of spending Wednesday afternoons with you, feeling into your heart because she is free to just be present and attentive, just for you. It's what you came to Sugar Land for.

I can hear you, "Wait- WTF is the agreement here? I throw out a wad of cash on a maybe?" I know. Sometimes it can be a bit much to live ahead by a century (of the rest) but here we are. And you can't look backward and forward at the same time. So, what'll it be?

Let me be glib. You can either go to the nursery and pay for a flower pot and some dirt and seeds and fertilizer and a watering can and grow yourself a pretty little flower. Or you can go to the nursery and pay for  a plant that is already flowering. The sugar babe requires that cultivation time of the wining and dining to open up to you and grow into the intimacy you are building. The prostitute is ready to go if you pony up with the cash. It's intimate but only so far as randomly grinding sex organs with a stranger can ever be. And it has it's place, don't get me wrong, these are simply statements of fact without judgement. But the idea of relationsugars is to cultivate that intimacy rather than assume your throwing down her allowance grants you access to her sweet booty before she has a chance to get to know you and want to tear your clothes off to give back the great feelings you are inspiring in her.

If you fulfill your commitment to the $5000 dollar allowance and act like a gentleman, she'll be up all over your dick in no time. Simply a figure of speech but if you act trustable, she will feel comfortable and the intimacy you're looking for will happen. And it will be amazing or entirely disappointing when you get to the sex. That's the gamble in any relationship. If it's great, you're relieved and happy to post date a year's worth of cheques.  If it's workable but not awful you still feel relieved and happy to write the cheques cuz you feel that once you get to know each other's bodies better the sex will definitely improve. And frankly, if it's awful between you, because she's a cold fish, or there just isn't any naked chemistry, or bad physics, or you're kinky and she's vanilla, or whatever other reason people use to decide not to share condoms again, you can simply say, "Thanks for the great times we shared but we aren't compatible lovers so this isn't going to work out... Did you say you had a friend looking for a sugar daddy? Is it too soon to ask for her number?" Never say this while you're still in bed.

We're here to be and bring out the best. There is a nice way to reject someone, and a shithead version. Let's all practice being sugary sweet to each other regardless of the outcome. If we lead by example maybe some of the rest will catch up to where we are and we'll have inadvertently helped to co-design a society where you could actually say to your wife "Honey, I'm going golfing with the boys this afternoon, and then I was really hoping to catch a few hours with the sugar babe. Do you mind if I'm not around for dinner?" And she can respond, "All good, I just got a text from my lesbian lover wondering if I am available to drop everything and go have a fantastic weekend in Paris. Are you cool with eating out this weekend? Lol, you'll be eating out this weekend all right. Have a great game, hon. I'll see you in a few days."