I laughed when I heard a pop song the other day. The line that struck me was "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it". Touche, bitches. But that is the glibbest interpretation of "being taken care of" (from the female perspective). As the movie "Dangerous Beauty" shows, there are alternatives to marriage. But they sho' ain't free.
Gentlemen, you are asking a woman to commit some wife duties. But not offering wife status, even as a potential in the future, as is the common ruse in common dating. Refer to the post about the vulnerable nature of the female form if you're not sure why women need to be taken care of ;)
Specifically, you're asking for sex and companionship. But one of the things that is often overlooked is the love nest where that love making is produced. 93.6% of the time, it is expected that the babe will host cuz it'd make your wife suspicious if you threw a party for two at your place, and she wasn't invited ;) So, you're looking for some housekeeping duties as well. Namely, aside from the comfortable space itself, clean floors, a clean bathtub (lest you go home covered in her sweet nectar and/or hair) and... clean sheets ;) Or maybe you don't care about clean sheets but I know that if you wanted me to get naked in your bed, I wouldn't want to be sharing your wife's come and/or drool. Sorry, should I have posed that more eloquently, Lol, we're all grown ups, let's get over the idea that talking about sex and sexuality is a bad thing. It's what we're all here for, isn't it?
So, what are you offering for those wife duties? Cuz it ain't grass cutting or curtain rod hanging. That much has been established. And she agrees with those terms. But if you can't define it in fiduciary terms... this may come as an absolute shock to you but EVERY man has a penis, hon. That's part of why we like y'all. But it just ain't enough. Just like your interest in using it with her is not enough for her to tear your clothes off. If she is confident, of course. I have seen women fall for the most insulting displays of courtship but it almost always boils down to a lack of self-esteem and something on the verge of desperation for some attention that feels good. Even if it's bad on some/most levels, she's hard up enough to ignore those things because of the little ego strokes she gets from him. But I digress.
If you've been to University, you're probably still feeling inundated by the mention of Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Or maybe you're familiar with the concept regardless of your schoolin'. Regardless, a refresher is always a good thing so I'll refer you to our good buddy Wikipedia because it has pictures, too. I kid cuz I love. If this is a new or forgotten concept the diagram is actually very helpful and acts as a quick reference guide. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Quick reference shows that the sexual intimacy comes after basic physiological and safety needs. The direct translation is that if she is stressed about rent and all the rest of the costs of staying alive, sexual intimacy is the furthest thing from her mind. This is not "playing hard to get", it is the effect stress has on the human form.
If you cannot offer relief, she will be busy making sure her obligations are met. "Struggling student" isn't a cute idiom, it's succinct. "Getting established" is another, more general, way to understand the position your potential sugarbabe is coming from.
And so, while we're breaking down the numbers on stress free living, I'll cite the most recent available L.I.C.O. value (that IS established by the world we live in, don't shoot the messenger ;) as declared by The Man http://www12.statcan.ca/
So, the 2005 figure is set at $20778. According to CPI inflation calculator that Google found for me, the current value was reflected at about $24000. If you rent a room in someone's basement for $500 a month, $24000 yearly is actually quite doable. It's a lot more ideal to a relationsugar to have a private space. Take a quick peak through your local classifieds and find an apartment or condo you'd set foot in for less than a grand. *shudder
It might just seem that I am throwing out random numbers but there is actually a method to this breakdown. Quality of life numbers are based on the idea that your housing costs are a quarter of your "income". If the L.I.C.O. is $24000, quality of life is (based on $2000/12mos) a housing cost of $500. Realistically, a love nest costs closer to $1200/mo... so, doesn't that mean that if you are offering "quality of life" the budget would reflect something closer to four times that value as is the standard "they" have decided reflects quality of life?
And, let's be real, it's not just the wife duties and eating the proper foods to maintain that hottie body (did I forget to take yoga and the gym into account?)... you want her to be all relaxed and have a nice manicure and pedicure and nice teeth and great hair, mmm, great hair! And let me just ask you plainly, when was the last time your wife shaved/waxed her coochie? Everyone should trim, it's a courtesy, unless full amazon is your deal ;) A spa day to get relaxed and waxed and buffed and polished and plucked and mudmasked and a lil oxygen treatment and a tan and all the other things women engage in to be pretty and soft costs a pretty penny and a bunch of time. Call up any spa and say this "look, I'll just be frank. My girlfriend is stressed and bitchy. What would it cost me to distract her with a spa day so she'll come home relaxed and just feeling great". You might crap your pants a little to hear the answer. Average about $200-400 a week including hair...
So, that's just the carcass, we have yet to get into the costume department... Shoes, shoes, shoes, every bitch loves shoes. It's undeniable and not worth trying to fight. But no woman is so horny for shoes that she will engage in a Dom/sub relationship with a married man for an occasional pair of stilettos. And aside from that ridiculousness, (that really isn't if you want her to look great and fantastic, instead of just "okay") I'm sure you aren't interested in seeing her in sweats. Athletic activities and lululemon fetishists aside.
I'm not bitching cuz it is just the way it is. But honestly, have you gone browsing for women's clothes lately? If you want her to look hot and feminine and lovely and super squeezable... designer jeans are far hotter than the Kmart version and cost ten times the amount. Lingerie... ya, it's fun to wear but entirely for your benefit ;) I saw a beautiful teddy the other day for $300. Moderately well made but nothing more than pretty when it came right down to an honest assessment of the product. Don't believe that a sexy garment could possibly cost that much? That range is the pedestrian version of lingerie. Check out Agent Provocateur's new line http://www.agentprovocateur.com/lingerie/new-collection.html Their stuff is interesting and well made. And their prices reflect that.
Life costs money, more or less depending on your geography. A budget of $3000 a month means that all of her essentials are covered. She can work to pay for school or her business or her lovely brats. But staying alive isn't a concern if she manages not to walk in front of a bus. $4000 is a point where a person can live well in our society. $5000 is really manageable if you don't have drug or gambling problems.
My initial foray in to the world of sugar was a classic bait and switch that happened when I was but a wee gaffer. I responded to an ad in the business classifieds (yes, in an actual newspaper) posted by a man allegedly looking for a business to invest in and help develop. His primary business was alive and kickin' and he was looking for a fresh challenge. Which actually meant sugar baby. Had he been honest and posted his ad in the personals and cleverly conveyed that he was looking for a sweet young thing to spend time with I may have considered it. But he played trickster so I didn't trust him.
Not much different than now, I worked a lot so I really wasn't available to "hang out" with him anyway. So, finally one day he just asked me straight out "Why do you work so much?" To which I replied, "what?" because I was genuinely baffled at the question. As he repeated it, he interrupted himself and exclaimed "OH!! You have costs associated with living" as though he'd just discovered the theory of relativity. I stopped answering his calls at that point. He was 51and it shouldn't have come as a surprise that food and shelter cost money
So, to answer the question I walk away from most frequently: No, if you buy her a ticket to a beach midwinter it doesn't come out of the cost of living allowance, especially if the allowance isn't big enough to take you out for lunch occasionally. Do you get to not pay your mortgage cuz you're on vacation?
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