Perception vs Reality: What's Your Perception On This Reality?

Welcome back, sugar lovers... and haters. Now, there are lots of things I am unsure of on this crazy planet. I don't understand the science behind rockets and planes and brain surgery. I'm not great with the plants. I only know English, and only moderately at that. I'm entirely unsure why anyone would keep a rodent or reptile as a pet. And I'm definitely not sure someone would be on a sugar dating site if they didn't want a sugar relationship and hated the entire dating scene in general. I mean, you don't accidentally sign up to fetlife, not knowing what it is or having an interest, no matter how peripheral, in alternative sexual lifestyles. Or black christian singles, you don't sign up there if you run the local chapter of the KKK in your town. It's just common sense.

Without further preface let me present this fairly recent conversation. Which, may I point out to all y'all who just think I wanna be right, and all the rest who are actually interested in the psychology of these human interactions we're all having, met my goal of getting another hit on the blog. Lol, bad press is still press. Shit, the site I met this gentleman on, was on the Tyra show and she was shittin' alllll over it. How many new subscribers since that little plug I wonder. Anyway, I present thee some words exchanged:

"PS": Please check out my profile to see if you might be interested in connecting with me! (This is an automated message, a "flirt" or a "wink" or a "kiss" or a "poke" style interaction)

Moi: Hey, hey M__,

Impressive number of words :) Check out my blog about sugar life, it has even more info than my profile ;) Www.schoolofsugar.blogspot.com

"PS": Well, guess what? Men have cost of living expenses too, and in any relationship with a woman, we're expected to pay for whatever we do together (dinners, trips, etc.) And yet, women demand equal pay, and so on. Your blog smacks of the idea that you, as a woman, are giving something up - as though you are not getting anything from the relationship, and sex. That is repugnant to me. I don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me, except for my wallet. You talk about self-esteem. I submit that spreading your legs for an allowance is indicative of a lack of self-esteem. I further submit that any man who pays for sex is also lacking self-esteem. And yet we do pay, in a less direct way. That's because our social conventions don't require women to be financially successful for us to admire them. The same is not true the other way around. Women look for men of means - providers. That's a big part of why women tend to be with men who are older than them. Any anthropology, sociology, or history book will tell you that. It's instinctive, and I could talk about that for days. But it comes down to this: sex and/or companionship for money is prostitution. I have no ethical or moral objections to it, but it's not for me. Wanting a guy who makes a decent living is another thing entirely.

Moi: Whoops, hit a few chords, huh? It's okay, I get that a lot.

Arrangement means what it means. I did not design the system or the world we're operating in, just a messenger. If I want chemistry with a man who can take care of me, too, that is my "fucking" prerogative.

if you don't like the game, don't play it but it IS the point of this website. Try POF it's a great resource!

Good luck and thanks for the feedback!

"PS": Your blog is offensive. It paints both men and women in a negative light. You denigrate women who want to have sexual relationships with men without being paid - saying they lack self-esteem. But in reality, they don't see themselves as just sexual objects. You, on the other hand, see your body, and sex, as some sort of one sided thing that is deserving of payment. You paint women as doing everything in life to be pleasing to men, without any sort of worthiness outside of that, and men as only being worthy because of money. It's disgusting. There are lots of women on this site who don't share your views, and I have had some good times, and ongoing friendships. Your attitude is the most cold and calculating that I've encountered. Frankly, it's delusional and disturbing. I have no doubt about your saying "I get that a lot". Not surprising. Some of us make our way in the world by doing something worthwhile. Apparently, you make your way in the world on your back, or in front of a mirror, and riding the achievements of others. Where's the self-esteem in that?

Moi: If you're offended by reality there is no way I can help you. Likewise on acting abusively when you don't like the answer.

I wish you the best and thank you for your feedback, please feel free to include your comments on the blog but please stop emailing me.

"PS": It has nothing to do with reality. It has everything to do with perception of reality, and your own place in the universe. Yours is fucked up, arrogant, and destructive. Your approach is ruthless, and devoid of any kind of warmth - decidedly unfeminine. Your profile hints at it, but your blog makes it abundantly clear. You're a disgusting individual who should seek therapy. Someday, the mirror won't be so kind to you. What then? Outer beauty only goes so far. Inner beauty is what really matters, and that, you are sorely lacking.

Okay, I'll admit that I didn't actually read all of that until now. I acknowledged that the tone was hurt and angry and biting so I'd just skimmed and looked at it more holistically than as simply a bunch of insults, hurled in fear and pain. But now having read it with full attention, I am extra glad that I have this other gentleman's comment to help wash out the taste that one may have left in your mouth. It was as good as the ones who can only come up with spelling/grammatical errors to be abusive about. Lol, the best ever was the guy who said I was ugly... after starting the conversation with something about really liking my pictures.

I'm not even going to bother to defend myself aggressively against a stranger's disillusions about a woman he knows absolutely nothing about. I know I'm warm and lovely inside and out, and that my relationships reflect that. I know where I've been, where I am now and where I am going. I also know what I am working on in the world, and how little it rewards me financially, and that despite that, it's still more important to me to work at it, than to talk about it. I know my therapists have all loved me cuz I'm such a keener on learning about my world and have never once gone in to a therapist or mechanic or architect saying "Listen, I don't know but I'm going to tell you how it is anyway". AND I know there is nothing wrong with wanting a loving, nontraditional relationship with someone who can, and wants, to take care of me. And that that man is the kind of guy who'd think it totally sexy (when post-coitus, while we're eating apples by the fire) were I to grab the philosphy book from his shelf and start reading aloud.

The one thing I will address in an overt way is that when a person says "stop contacting me", in person, on the phone, in writing, online or on paper, and you choose to persist, you are at that point harassing them and John Law is getting serious about cyber bullshit, too. When buddy comes back to my blog to find more shit to bitch about he will prolly accuse me of threatening him by mentioning the law in relation to his communications. But it is a genuine FYI you should be aware of if you have any interactions, with anyone. Harssment is a criminal offence, ladies, gentlemen, ain't no sex organ steward worth that impediment to your life and lifestyle. And while sometimes it is just best to let it go, never go against your gut. If someone is harassing you persistently or threatening violence, you doan nee' ta take tha' shit and you don't deserve it. And you have every right to report him or her to the authorities.

Sooo, perhaps it's even negligent to share these particular kinds of communiques word for word but would ya believe me if I told ya??? ...And at the same time, this blog is for learnin'. Women AND men read this blog, and maybe a wo/man reading this will realize that the asshat who talked to her/him that way was just an asshat and it really had nothing to do with her/him. And frankly, more than a few of you have wondered why I don't just melt into a pile of girly goo because you say you're interested in the idea of me. If a girl is looking for a sugar daddy, it's budget AND chemistry prerequisites. If you have one and not the other, you're not a contender, doesn't matter which one is lacking. So, I'm including a real man's response to ultimate dating rejection, lest any negativity remain from the lack of creativity displayed by the other "Potential Suitor" above. Granted it wasn't all rose buds  ;) but he did openly and honestly acknowledge that he'd been looking at me in the wrong light and that that had coloured his responses. A genuinely decent guy with personality and looks. And it's genuinely unfortunate that we're looking for different things at this point in our lives.

"PS": You certainly have a lot of substance and depth to you than I gave you credit for.  That is a fault on my part as I felt snubbed by our earlier responses.  However, reading your messages makes me realize how wrong I was.  You certainly are an elegant woman to looking at, and beyond that, there is a lot of strength, self confidence and intelligence that you exude.