Time is Money

As far as relationsugars go, I think Vanilla Ice posed it most relevantly when he conducted us to "Stop! Collaborate. And listen." Or how about "Time is money." Is that more familiar turf?

Consider a relationsugar just like any other business dealing, once you've come to an agreement the work commences. No likey, no contract, for both parties. When you hire a consultant or a carpenter or a chiropractor or a chef, you hire them based on their claims. You agree to a rate and your back gets cracked or your staircase gets built and you pay.

You may not have liked the meal they presented at the restaurant but you don't get it for free because your tastebuds don't like saffron. Likewise, some chiropractors just don't have that magic touch. So, you don't go back. Or you don't order that meal again. But you still have to pay.

You hire a file clerk because you need filing done, and the interview went really well. If you're not ready to hire but are only thinking about it, you shouldn't be posting job advertisements and holding interviews. It's false advertising, like padded bras.

So, if it turns out that bitch doesn't even know the alphabet, you have that probationary employment term of three months to determine that. If she knows the alphabet and actually is the file wizard she claimed to be in the interview process, awesome! If not, crap, back to the interview process. BUT you don't ask her to volunteer or take a pay cut until you know, you pay her salary in the hopes that she is a good fit, based on knowing what you need and want and trusting your ability to judge character and chemistry. AND you give her time to sort out the files and develop that user friendly system you'd advertised for. If the carpenter says it'll take half a day to measure, half a day to cut, three days to construct and two days to finish, you can't come in at hour six demanding your staircase.

Your first lunch/dinner is the interview. It's only to determine if you would go out again. And if you do choose to, so commences the trial period or probationary employment term. The "trial period" is the month or two you commit to dating and getting to know one another and possibly to the intimacy. It's not a discounted term. You're getting the time she has committed to. Because you have fulfilled your commitment to the money end of it in exchange for her time. It's her time that you're paying for. If you want it. If she doesn't meet you Wednesdays as per your agreement you have good cause not to continue. Likewise if she's always still drunk from the night before. Or continually asking for more than what you'd agreed to.

The allowance is the salary. The perks and dental benefits and bonuses are the gifts and shopping trips and travel bestowed after she has proven she really has mastered the alphabet throughout that trial period.

Don't hate the player, hate the game, baby. And the game is simply this: If you want her time, (for therapy or go-karting or to build genuine intimacy through shared experiences -it's your time, spend it any way you wish), you will have to come through with the money. It's how arrangements operate.